The Fear Behind the Fear: Why Playing Small Doesn’t Serve Anyone

This post is inspired by Marianne Williamson’s quote from A Return to Love

​I first read this quote in a bathroom stall in my college dorm. Of all the places to have an existential moment, that beige-walled stall in Alton, Illinois was it.

Collaged on the "potty notes" on the back of the door, it said:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…”

I didn’t know it was Marianne Williamson at the time. I just knew it stopped me.
Because it named something I hadn’t been able to articulate:
I wasn’t afraid I was not enough. I was afraid of what might happen if I actually let myself be enough. If I let myself be seen. If I let myself shine.

That quote followed me out of that bathroom stall and into the next two decades of my life—through auditions, heartbreaks, building a business, yoga trainings, parenting, new love, writing a book, and building a life around purpose.

It wasn’t until I started writing about the ego and the higher self in Dancing with Our Selves that I fully understood why that quote hit me so hard:
It called out the ego’s fear of losing control.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles

Shrinking Is an Ego Move

Let’s be honest: most of us don’t consciously decide to play small. We just subtly start accommodating our ego’s fears.

The ego says:

• “Don’t speak up—you’ll look arrogant.”
• “Stay here—it’s safer.”
• “Don’t stand out—you’ll make others uncomfortable.”
• “Don’t try—you’ll probably fail.”

But the higher self whispers something else entirely:
“What if your fullness is the very thing that frees someone else?”

In my book, I describe the ego as a reactionary dance partner—skilled, familiar, but always leading from a place of defense. The higher self, on the other hand, invites a different rhythm. One of conscious choice. Purposeful movement. Embodied power.

When we let the ego lead, we shrink.
When we let the higher self lead, we expand.

And as Marianne Williamson reminds us:
“Your playing small does not serve the world… As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

​Letting Your Light Lead

Letting your light shine isn’t about performance. It’s about presence.
It’s not about ego-driven bravado. It’s about higher self alignment.

It means:

• Acting from truth, not fear.
• Leading from purpose, not validation.
• Being rooted in who you are, not in who you think you need to be.

Because when we stop playing small—not out of ego, but out of reverence for the gift of being alive—we offer others a powerful model of what’s possible.

A Practice for Today

So today, ask yourself:
Where is my ego holding the mic? And what would it sound like to let my higher self speak instead?

​Maybe you:
    •    Say yes to the opportunity you’ve been quietly drawn to.
    •    Speak with clarity instead of cushioning everything with qualifiers.
    •    Post the thing. Lead the thing. Try the thing.

Not because you’re trying to prove anything.
But because you’re tired of dimming your own brilliance.

The ego will always resist expansion—it’s wired for survival, not soul-level fulfillment. But the higher self knows you were born for this.

This is something we unpack deeply in my 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training—not just how to teach poses, but how to teach from your truth. We explore how the ego gets in the way of our growth, and how stepping into the teacher seat is really about learning to let your higher self lead—on the mat and in your life.

Whether you want to teach yoga or simply deepen your practice and self-awareness, this training is a powerful container for your light to shine.

The next training begins soon. Find out more HERE!

To quote Marianne again:
“Who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?”

Let this be the moment you stop playing small.
Let this be the moment you say yes.